The Saving of Me

Your words flung me against the walls of my own prejudices

bruising and piercing me

in ways I could not bear

My heart beat against my ribcage

like a free-born; now-caged bird

flailing, fighting for remembered freedom

I can not share in your exact hurt, Sir

with pinpoint precision

nor can I isolate

or excise the tumor of misunderstanding

that has metastasized between us.

Insulated and separate, perhaps forever,

you are unreachable and shrink away from my touch

My fear prevents me from reaching towards the crucible

that you have become,

filled with violent, volatile, inhuman heat

Breathe sweet self, breathe …

I will not allow you to take my breath away, Sir,

for my breath is my own

I am injured and grasping for a foothold -

seeking something solid, something known and familiar

knowing I have stumbled,

I will move

onto more solid ground

and

away from you

Back I go, 

into the cage of my own making

clutching my breast to quiet my flailing, fighting bird of a heart –

which flutters and trembles still

Let it be that today my heart will once again rest easy within me

I have done my best to carefully cup and cradle her

within my hands

protectively soothing her

with gentle, charmed cooing 

as a dove

Whenever the breeze that carries your name 

whispers throughout the night

Of our shared and unforgotten secrets,

I will awaken and stop my ears from listening

oh wind of soulful voices, you are not real …

tormenting tempest which caws my innermost yearnings for all to hear,
you have lied

so beguilingly you tell of dreams unspoken, yet denied

Awaken and breathe deeply of self, breathe … damn you …

I will not allow you to take my breath away, Sir,

for my breath is my own

Back safe in my citadel of self

one day

with satisfaction I will know

it is better to live safely, alone in a known and comfortable room

than to share your ample palace

a prisoner to your petty words

and pain.